Diary of a Fat Chick

From fluffy to Fit. I am embracing my curves and on a mission to be fit and curvy.I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So even on my worst days I try to see the beauty of me. I am at a transitional point in my life: physically, mentally and emotionally. I want my inside beauty to match my outer beauty

2 months after my break up with my boyfriend of 6 months. It was a emotionally and physically damaging realtionship and I finding the strength to be okay. I’m writing again to understand how it all happened and to heal. I’m ending the chapter way, even though it’s over.

justrollinon:

feedthenose:

sorry cant quite hear u over how cute i am ???? 

First of all. Hell yes this person is cute. Secondly - anons like this attacking the appearances of other disabled people makes my blood boil. I would like to tell myself that anons like this come from immature able bodied teenagers who lack common sense and empathy toward others but the reality is, even grown adults think similar ways about the lives and bodies of disabled people. It’s absurd, disgusting and cowardly that any person would send anon hate to others for any unjustifiable reason but especially when it comes to physical characteristics that the individual cannot control.
Sure, tell me again how ableism, hatred and ignorance toward disabled people doesn’t exist. Of course to those who claim this, it doesn’t exist.. would you like to know why? because they would rather that we didn’t exist or we are already invisible to them

You are beautiful and it’s obvious anon ignorance is not affecting you.

(via shwagerr)

Tbt: mini photo shoot. My smile always shines bright. The camera loves me. Photo credit to @jidah31  #afrodominicana #confidenceisbeautiful #respecthecurves #topmodel

Tbt: mini photo shoot. My smile always shines bright. The camera loves me. Photo credit to @jidah31 #afrodominicana #confidenceisbeautiful #respecthecurves #topmodel

Tbt: ” Gangsta Barbie” I know it’s weird I named my selfies. Lol #gangstabarbie #pink

Tbt: ” Gangsta Barbie” I know it’s weird I named my selfies. Lol #gangstabarbie #pink

Happy Wednesday and special shoutout to my #wcw #wce : ME. Through all my ups and downs my smile has never faded and the love and the confidence for myself has grown. The one thing I have learned is that people learn how to treat you by watching how you treat yourself. So know I spoil the hell out of myself because I deserve the best and so do you! #loveyourself #confidenceisbeautiful #afrodominicana #respectyourself

THE GAME

And what if we were allowed to speak the truth, share our true feelings without fear of  being deceived by another player of THE GAME.

They tell me either I learn to play by the rules or I get played and in the end its still all the same, this isn’t Candy Land and in the end hearts are broken and lives are changed.

A Game nobody is bound to win; yet many are determined to play. Young men determined to get respect from their “boys” who are just as afraid to admit that they too want love. Instead they  roll the dice, choose new pawn and use her until this round is up and back in the box she goes, an object to be used because that’s the way  THE GAME goes. There are some that aim to win the Prize, to get the Trophy, but when they have her in their grasp, they fail to grasp her worth, a loss.

THE GAME doesn’t teach you about creating soul binding symphonies; just one hit one wonders that last until the sun rises, turning that burning lust into cold ash.

THE GAME doesn’t teach you how to create foundations to build empires upon; so you just keep building straw houses to watch the next hungry wolf blow them down and steal what you thought was yours.

We talk about THE GAME, a one sided conversation pitted against men who we have failed to see have fallen victim to this system that society has created. The destruction and corruption of morals and values, the objectification of woman and we wonder why men attempt to collect trophies for their shelves. Woman to shall not abstain from the blame as they do play the GAME and it times to stop letting childish games continue to degrade the sacred bond that two people create for a lifetime.

 Stop destroying forever, soul binding, hand holding, music making, late night conversations about why batman is the ultimate superman, stolen kisses, passionate lovemaking, connecting silences for temporary straw house, rough out of tune instruments, trysts in the back seats of parked cars, fuck buddies, crumbling foundations . For A GAME you were never meant to win.

 Keep playing THE GAME, creating your own purgatory on earth. 

But you out here playing games. Men swear they want a ” Good Woman” but  when they get one they don’t know how to treat her and want to play little boy games. Then when they are ready to grow up she has already moved on . #realwoman #notimeforgames

But you out here playing games. Men swear they want a ” Good Woman” but when they get one they don’t know how to treat her and want to play little boy games. Then when they are ready to grow up she has already moved on . #realwoman #notimeforgames

Letter to my complimenter: Beauty is one size fits all

Dear Guy on the train, 

Today you probably mentally high fived yourself for giving a fat girl a “compliment”. I use the word compliment loosely because I really didn’t see it as uplifting or kind. You told me that I was beautiful for a big girl and you can change big with fat, thick, ,large or even plus size. You told me I was lucky I had a beautiful face and a nice ass because then I would have just been another fat girl. Well sir you didn’t compliment you insulted me and it hurt. You are whats wrong with society. You are the reason I hated to look in the mirror as a child because I was too fat to be beautiful. You thought you were doing me a favor but the thing is I know I’m beautiful and no matter what I weigh I will always be beautiful. My size does not put me in a special category or make me some freak occurrence. Beauty does not occur on a spectrum with fat and ugly at one end and thin and beautiful at the other with me as a surprise in the middle. It’s funny because I been in limbo on my self discovery journey. I got caught up in losing weight and I lost sight of why I was doing it and why I was redefining myself. I stopped eating and wound up having to go to the hospital after passing out at work. You sir made me angry and I can work with anger. I had vowed to not let myself get lost in losing weight and brainwashed by ignorant people like yourself sir. Who think that beauty has certain characteristics or attributes that must be met in order to call yourself as beautiful. I’m fat because I’m fat and I don’t just happen to be beautiful. I’m beautiful because I feel beautiful inside and out. I know who I am sir, do you. Did you feel the need to tell me that because you felt pressure to fit in? Sir I’m sorry that you felt that your double edged compliment would make me smile and make this fat chick’s night. It didn’t it made me sad initially but I took a step back because I know who I am and I know that I’m beautiful. I hope you know the same. But in the future just remember beauty is one size fits all and it will even fit you. There is always room for self love and I hope that you love yourself and define yourself as beautiful. This human being, this woman feels beautiful all on her own.
Sincerely, Fat Chick who is beautiful because she is just beautiful. 
100 posts! Yeah!!! More post to come.

100 posts! Yeah!!! More post to come.

Virgin and Vixen: Women as Sexual Beings

So  I have not blogged in a while but I feel the need to talk about an issue that it weighing heavily on my chest. At 23 I am a virgin, I will pause and allow the shock to wear off for some people and also allow the jokesters to get in your jokes. Okay are you back with me. Good and I have found that in today’s society  I at times don’t seem to fit in.  Let me explain I am virgin but I do have needs and I am interesting in exploring my sexual desires with the right person or a person that I feel safe with and connect on a emotional level. I know some people are thinking wow, this woman is crazy.  A virgin who wants to talk about sex and individually explore her own sexual needs.,No such thing. This is my dilemma. Women are categorized and placed into two groups: the virgin or the vixen, pure or tainted, the prude or the whore. I could go on and on but you get the drift. I for one thinks this is unfair, men are encouraged to explore their sexual needs and desires but if a woman wants to talk about sex whether she is engaging in it or not she is considered unlady-like. It frustrates me that recently when I engaged in my first make-out session ( pause again for shock and disbelief), the guy called me the next day and apologized for corrupting me. He asked me if I had felt coerced and pressured and could not believe that I willingly wanted to make-out with him because I was a “good girl” and would have “never initiated the session on my own”. First of all I am a woman and I have womanly needs but I choose to wait because I want it to be special ( old fashioned as that idea maybe) and I believe in waiting for the one.  My first thought was what is so wrong with your hands and your lips that upon touching me you corrupted me.  The fact is that women in society are not allowed to be sexual beings we cannot own our sexuality without being called negatively out of our names. If a woman wants to bear it all to the world, or have sex with a new man every night that is her right, because men do the same thing and are praised for it. I am not saying that I could ever be a one-night stand woman or a fuck and leave them kinda of gal. But who says that how a sexual being how to act all the time. I want it to be stated that the term “ good girl” and “ bad girl” should no longer be used to describe women, because its condescending  and because who should decide what actions are good and what actions are bad.  Explore your sexuality if you want to watch porn then do so. If you want to touch yourself because it feels good then do it. As a virgin if you want to kiss someone, wear thong underwear, no underwear or a slightly low cut blouse then do it. It doesn’t make you a bad woman and it doesn’t define you as a whore. If you like to have sex then have as much sex as you would like, although I recommend using protection.  Men love sex, so why can’t woman.  I can be a virgin with an overly sexual imagination and I can be a woman who loves sex but nothing too wild just the missionary position all the time. I mean woman should be allowed to define their sexuality and what it means to them, they should be allowed to explore their sexual needs the same way men do without ridicule and reprimand.  I am not saying that I for one am going to start having sex with every guy I mean but  maybe just maybe I might French kiss on the first date and let him give me a hickey, doesn’t make me any less of a virgin and any less of a good woman.